Update

Many days now, I have so much trouble getting to the chiropracter because of all I have to do.
Friday, I finished setting up my massage office (mind you with no clients lined up!) and sat down to rest when I panicked that I didn't have my state license nor massage diploma hung. I reached in the bag to pull them out, when I found that all I had in the bag was the "professional" black frames inside, and no license or diploma. I freaked, drove home with my mind in a buzz, trying to imagine where I had put the documents.

At home I searched but didn't find them. Called my friend Sara to see if she knew what I did with them (why would she know!) then proceeded to demolish my bedroom and living room looking for the stuff.

I searched for maybe 15 minutes when I realized I just needed to give it a break and try again later. Normally these things are sitting right in front of me, so with that thought I left my room and went back to my office. Panic continued to rule me for at least one more hour. As soon as I would look at my beautiful office space, I would remember that I couldn't practice massage without them posted, then freak out again.

Finally, after searching in my storage unit, I returned home to check the house again. Oh what did I do? To anyone else, it would have seemed that a burgular came and ransacked the entire room. Still no documents, so I resigned to not having them for at least 2 or 3 more days, since I had to pick up the kids from school to take them to their dad in Memphis.

This weekend I visited with my best friends mom who is dying. She half-raised me so I consider her my second mom. I took some massage lotion with me and worked on her (I asked her permission, altho she isn't alert anymore, enough to accept or decline). I think more than likely that I saw her for the last time. My heart hurts. My best friend has been sitting with her mom round the clock for weeks now, and she is in such a sad place. I wish I could take it all away from her so she could be happy again. Her dad died 13 years ago, so now when her mom dies, she will be an orphan. My best friend is 40, so technically she will not be an orphan, but when your parents die, when you are so young, it is a sort of abandonment.

We came home Sunday night, very late, and the kids were so tired. I had to carry one of the girls into the house, and there they fell into a deep sleep. Lakshmi curled into my arms, so that we spooned together, and I had the best sleep I have had in a long time.

Monday morning, I took the kids to school, and began looking for my massage license and diploma again.
I had to make a veggie dish for Priya's Christmas Party at school, and bring a snack for Lakshmi's. Somewhere there I had to go to the chiropracter and go to my office and try to entice some clients to recieve massage, and then find a gift for Lakshmi and Priya's teachers (they are in different classes) then go to the school and help with Priya's Christmas party. Oh dear! I didn't have time for Priya's veggie dish and ended up bringing pretzels and banana bread slices (store bought). I got some other snack for Lakshmi's class, and accidently took all of to Priya's classroom, then had to retrieve it from Priya's, so Lakshmi would have something to share.
I bounced back and forth between both classes, as Lakshmi's teacher spotted me in the hall and asked me to come to their class for a bite of pizza, that by the time the parties were over, and Priya had consumed 4 (that's right folks....FOUR) regular chocolate bars, all the kids had exchanged gifts, the teachers had given each child a gift and santa (and his eight tiny reindeer!) had seen all the kids, I could have taken a nap on the hood of the van! Oh vey!

I HAD to go back to my office, and continue to let clients know that I was there, a real human being (bean) who would love to give massage (underwear on or off... some lady was asking me about that) and I had Lakshmi and Priya with me because school let out early, then while on my way in the car, I had the bright idea to call the massage board and ask for a replacement license, and could I practice anyway until I got the replacement....and the answer was yes! WHEW!

I realized that I needed to either go pick up Ravi, or call and send him on the bus. Thankfully he is big enough to handle that, and so that is what I did. I finally spent a very relaxing time in my office, reading a massage book, and gave a "sample" hand massage to the person I am renting from.

So far I have sold TWO GIFT CERTIFICATES! So far not ONE MASSAGE has been done...just little samples.
: [

I pray that if I actually do get massage clients, that I won't be THIS busy!


On a more serious note, I am having problems with the kids dad, and he is not wanting to be flexible with me and the kids, altho when I unexpectedly arrived in Memphis last week, he benefitted by seeing the kids during a no-visitation time. Lakshmi is having some serious adjustment issues, and apparently shared with one of her little friends' mom how she doesn't like all the driving back and forth, and how she is unhappy about it.

I knew she was having a hard time. She needs LOTS of down time, just piddling, relaxing, non-pushy, non-pressured time, but when with her dad, she is being bounced around alot, between him and his friend, and apparently her dad went dumpster diving with my kids, going inside the dumpster, leaving them alone outside of it, while he searched for toys, clothing and housing decorations. This is a man, who was once a terrific husband, great father and all around wonderful, delightful person to share my company along side. Now he is going through the dumps, looking for things, his OCD has overtaken him, and he is a workaholic working 7 days a week as well.

How can he give her the down time she needs, to process information, experiences and truely meet her needs?
What about Ravi? He is expected to be left with the babysitter friend, when what he truely wants is to be with his dad.

At this holiday season, I am feeling a hugh sadness for my kids, and for myself. I wanted to protect them from the abuse, and when I did, I placed them in his hands alone without me being the buffer. My precious souls, are exposed to all the harsh realities of the world, the babies that I nursed at my breast, the ones who recieved nothing but love and gentleness from me, are now at risk for poor self esteem, drugs, alcohol and poverty.

I pray that their dad will find it in his heart to get help, and that Lakshmi can spend more time with me. Currently dad is hard-nosing with his visitation rights - where he insist on having her with him, even tho he will be working full time, and she wants me.

I have poured out my heart here today, because I wonder how I can help my kids.

Jyotsna