I'm Divorced....

Well friends,

Today at 10:10 am, I was pronouced divorced by the judge. I absolutely don't know how to feel. I should be jumping with joy, but I feel the bells tolling for melancholy. As the "simple questions" were answered by my husband in court, his fists were clenched and tears poured from his eyes. I was so mad at him for messing up my life, and for that reason, I wanted it to be over as fast as possible, but I am mourning our marriage, my life partner who's mental illness took such a toll on both of us, and resulted in family violence against the kids and I...it took away my happiness. It took away my life partner. Now, I am left as a divorced mother of three. We have been seperated for almost 4 years, and the physical loss of divorce has already occurred. But the fact that NOTHING I could do to save my marriage and beautiful family, is a horrible thing. I should be partying tonight, but instead, I drove to the school and took the kids out early, drove them home, told them that mommy and daddy were divorced, explained it (how DO you explain divorce???), hugged and kissed my babies, and we all piled into the bed to cuddle and just be. That is actually the place where I feel the happiest, where my kids are by my side.

He will get 100 days of visitation with two of the kids, and one of my daughters will be with me forever...meaning I have sole custody forever. She will not have to visit with him, unless she wants to or I think it is a good idea. Since her adoption was not final, I will be adopting her in the coming weeks as a single person. I wish I could have saved the other two. I pray he is good to them when they are visiting. However, if he isn't, I will take him back to the court.

Jyotsna