It happened again, for the 3rd or 4th time. Priya climbed all the way up to the top of the china cabinet (7 ft high), grabbed the fiskar sewing sissors, and cut Lakshmi's hair again. I was shocked this time as it was no longer the curiosity of using sissors that was appealing to Lakshmi. She was actually trying to cut her beautiful hair to make her ugly!
Priya has attachment disorder, and it has been apparent since she arrived here. At this time, her attachment is getting worse, instead of better. She is doing horrible things around here. It causes me to feel so exhausted. She is such a normal 4 year old in some aspects, and other ways she is outright terrifying.
I bought both girls a pretty set of ribbons to go in their hair for Valentines Day, and as a punishment I didn't allow Priya to wear her's until the day was almost gone. So Lakshmi prissed around in her pretty hair ribbons, no doubt making Priya more angry.
She IS angry. Sometimes I know why. Most of the time I don't. She was abused and neglected as a baby and toddler, so there is no wonder she is like this. I takes so much time and energy to help her, and most of the time I feel like things are worse than better. At times, I feel so jaded when she looks at me with this incredibly beautiful smile, just after punching Lakshmi in the stomach for no reason.
I had planned on delaying her entry into Kindergarten by one year, but today while I was at Ravi's school for his Valentines party, I talked to their social worker about all the problems I have with Priya, and how I worry it would back fire to put her in the school at this time. He encouraged me to go ahead and put her in Kindergarten in the fall. He said if she continues to behave this way, then I will have proof to go to the doctor to go ahead and get her started on the same drugs that Ravi is on...that really helps him.
Last night around 3 am, I suddenly felt 10 little fingers on my arm, and heard Priya's wispy voice saying, "Mommy, it's Valentines Day, can we make some cards now?". I hurried her back to sleep. But I lay there thinking about Priya and Ravi's similarities (their same problems) and how Ravi used to lay away at the same age, and would only sleep 3 hours a night, disturbing my sleep to by constantly telling me he was thirsty, or hungry, wanted to get up and play. By 5 am, Ravi was up, roaming the house looking for food and water, marking on papers, and trying to open the front door! I would be completely oblivious to it until we realized what was going on. Priya is doing all the same things. I believe this is what led her to getting the sissors and cutting Lakshmi's hair (besides the fact that she hates it that Lakshmi really feels beautiful).
So, thinking about this, I have decided to take Priya in for an appointment, and ask the doctor to get Priya on the same thing. Ravi takes Risperdal, a very powerful drug mostly used for personality disorders. However for kids with RAD (reactive attachment disorder) it is very helpful in regulating the childs behaviour, sleep, appetite, and takes the edge off of the combative behaviour common with kids who have RAD. When the edge is off, and the child has proper sleep, appetite and such, then behaviour modification has a great impact on the child.
When Ravi was 4, and having all these problems, I would have never thought about meds. But I think it was a mistake. In some situations, these meds are really the best thing. If Priya could sleep through the night (and me too) and if she were responding to behaviour modification, imagine how much happier she and I would be?
So I will make an appointment soon, and see if they have a much smaller dose. Ravi is on the smallest dose, and I think that I remember the doc saying that I can break it in half if I need to.
Ahhhh! I think it is time for respite care again! Priya loves her "Ms. K". In fact we had her and her family over today to give Valentines to them. I don't overuse it. I think that they would love to have Priya more than I would love for her to go. But that is the nice thing about it. Everyone loves Priya!
For now, the sissors (all of them, fiskars, school sissors ect) are all under lock and key. I think i will put the knives in the lock box too. Priya will not leave a stone unturned, as I can see that look in her face these days.
Jyotsna
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