There is a reason for everything. I don't know the reason why things are the way they are for any given thing, but somehow we will survive. Ravi was diagnosed with a mood disorder recently, and we have been in a crisis mode for the last few weeks before he was diagnosed. We are still there right now, but things are improved greatly, and while the problems Ravi has had are getting better, we are going to be dealing with this condition for the rest of his life, and that means the rest of my life. It is overwhelming to realize that there is no magic wand that can be waved over his head to take away all the problems, and to make Ravi feel better, feel safer, feel less anxious, but he is getting treatment now, medication too, and we are going to therapy sessions as well.
I have made it through single parenting so far, and I know that I will make it through this too.
Jyotsna
5 comments:
Hi Jyotsna!
I grew up with an older sister with a mood disorder.. she was diagnosed when she was 12... if you need anyone to talk to or anything, feel free to email me, as I have had a lot of experience dealing with it, growing up as the little sister. :)
You absolutely will make it through.
Thank you both! And Linzi, I'd be curious to know what the effect is on the younger sibling. It's possible that Priya will be diagnosed too, and that would leave Lakshmi as the only one with no mood disorder. She already knows that they need more of my time and attention, and sometimes comes and curls up with me when no one is looking, to get some special time. She is a very quiet and sensitive child, and with all the noise in the house, and the tantrums/rages, she sometimes feels overwelmed. I worry about her. As you can probably attest, when the rages start, I have to spent time helping to settle down the child who is out of control. Where does that leave her?
Anyway, I am even thinking about moving Lakshmi to another room, so she can have her own privacy. Sometimes Priya tears up her toys, books, or invades her space in the worst way. I use to think their sleeping in the same room was a good thing, but I don't know now.
Jyotsna
Hey Jyotsna,
My sister was diagnosed with OCD and bipolar disorder when she was 12. (She is now considered to be OCD, medication helped a lot with that, and also borderline personality disorder) I was 10 at the time. Her main OCD problem was worrying about various bad things that could happen to her, and not being able to stop thinking about them. These thoughts would make her really upset and she would cry and cry.
I remember the first time it happened we were visiting my grandma. I just remember seeing her crying and my mom comforting her and just thinking "what's wrong? why is my sister crying so much?" (This was not the first sign of her illness, just the first time I noticed as a child).
As a younger sibling, I think my parents tried to shield me from what was going on, thinking that were protecting me. But it was obvious to me that something was going on, but I was really confused, and since they didn't share the details too much, I felt more like it was a 'secret' that I couldn't ask about... I was told to tell kids at school that she had 'an imbalance in her brain' but kids were often very cruel to her.
The other issue for me was that my mom, feeling very stressed out and upset would often start crying around me (when I was in junior high, she would cry in the car after picking me up from school) and I would have to help her feel better. I know she didn't do it on purpose but that is a lot for a junior high aged kid to have to deal with! I also felt the stress and worry in family, and unconscious strove to be the 'good kid' that they wouldn't have to worry about. I got straight A's (no complaints there!) but I also ended up keeping all my own problems to myself, and not feeling like I could share with them, as I didn't want to add to the worry. By high school I ended up bottling up my own emotions, and being very distant from my family.
Looking back (and I have discussed this with my mom) we think that maybe family counseling would have been a good idea for our family. That would give my mom someone to talk to besides a child, and it would also give the child without the disorder someone to pay attention and talk to them specifically about their own concerns, not that of their siblings.
As it was, I KNOW my parents did the best they could raising us, but I did feel lonely a lot of time, and I didn't feel alright sharing my own issues with my family (small in comparison with my sister, but still something you might need support for, like being teasing in junior high, or having a friend move away, etc)
I'm not sure what mood disorder Ravi has been diagnosed with, but I guess the best thing to remember is that it does affect the whole family, and even if one child seems 'ok' they probably need help dealing with and understanding what's going on!
I hope that helps, and please feel free to ask me any other questions.
Hey Linzi,
That was very helpful information. I do think that Lakshmi and possibly Priya feel the way you are talking about. They are too young to take a part in the counseling that is going on right now, (age 12 is the youngest a child in the family can be at this place) but very soon I will include all three children in the family session, at a new location, and I want to give them a place to express their emotions.
Thanks so much,
Jyotsna
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