Wearing Lakshmi in a sling, while she was sick.
From the time I became a mother, it was understood that I would put my children's needs ahead of my own needs. I jumped right into my role as soon as I became a mom, and no sickness or ill feelings could stop me from caring for my children the way I usually did. I managed to hold on to this idea until the second and third child arrived, making it harder and harder to take care of me. Another thing that happened that I didn't expect, was that my now ex husband had no additional time left to help me when I was sick. The ratio of 3 children to 1 mom finally overwhelmed me. It wasn't until I did become a single mother that I started getting extremely worn out and exhausted. My kids were very young, and as things go, they needed so much time, so many diaper changes, so many feedings, so many baths and it all started over the next day with no rest for me. I could see it was only getting worse and worse, because when you become exhausted, you get sick.
The first time I got sick, I kept on doing the usual. I had to. No one was available to do all the diaper changes, make all the meals and so I kept going until I got diagnosed with pnuemonia. The doctor threatened to make me go straight to the hospital from her office, and I begged her not to make me do that, as I had no one at the time who could take my kids. She allowed me to go home, and yet, I was a very sick mother. I could not lay down flat on my back. I got such little sleep in that elevated position on the couch. My kids quickly realized that this was the time to get into all the things that they couldn't get into before I was sick. I had two 1 year olds climbing the baby gates, spilling food and making messes with everything, and a 5 year old opening the front door in the dead of winter and trying to go out and play.
My mother came by every day after work and she would bring a bag of groceries (things the kids could eat without me cooking) and she would change diapers, give baths and play with the kids for one hour. I was sick and on my back for nearly 6 weeks. That was in the winter of 2002. I thought I had figured everything out.
I planned to never get sick again. Unfortunately, I developed a virus that hit me so badly that I had to be taken to the hospital. I couldn't walk, I couldn't eat, and I was extremely worn out. I stayed in the hospital for several hours while I got fluids, and was told I wouild have to be admitted, and I refused. I didn't have anyone to take my children. Same problem, older children now.
I did recover at home.
Unfortunately, my immune system was so low that I kept getting sick this year, and finally ended up with pnuemonia again. This time, I did end up staying in the hospital for two nights and three days. If I hadn't gone, I would have possibly died. I couldn't breathe, eat or walk. I'm always amazed to hear my married friends talk about being sick. I know they get sick too, but they tell how their husband had to stay home from work to take care of the kids, and how much money they lost. They have no idea how blessed they are to have someone to take over their duties for a while, until they get well. Their immune system gets a chance to recover, unlike a single mother's immune system. I have never had this luxury until I was already very ill and in the hospital. My parents took care of my children and me for nearly a week after this last episode of pneumonia. We all knew how serious it was, and I was on oxygen for two 1/2 days. When I was released from the hospital to my parents care, my mother slept in the room with me. My father sat on the bed next to me while I slept, watching me. They feed and cared for my kids until I was ready to go back to my home. I felt so blessed and lucky that they could do that for me.
Until the day that I am married again, and have someone to take over for me when I am sick, I have come up with a "Sick Plan" to help me when I get sick.
My kids are older, and we have discussed what they need to do when I get sick beyond my ability to take care of them and myself. If your children are old enough, you should have a plan for what to do when mom is sick.
Here's what I do:
Keep things simple.
Drop everything till you're well (chores ect), my health is very important.
Always have milk and juice in the fridge, and peanut butter, bread, breakfast bars, fruit (cut up for young kids), peanuts, almonds and cashews (if they aren't allergic to them). They can survive on this for a week.
Keep names of family and friends who the kids can call (posted on the fridge) in the event of an emergency, or if mom is too sick to care for herself. A neighbor may need to make the call, and this should be clear who she should call, and who will take the children.
Always keep a stock of toilet paper, tissues and paper towels. I ran out of toilet paper last time I was sick, and I had to send my son next door to ask for a couple of rolls!
Keep your cold meds/remedies stocked. The *very* best time to stop a cold is when it first starts. I keep Zycam (nose spray) on hand at all times, as it really works if you start it when you first get that funny itchy feeling in your nose or throat. Also I drink Gypsy Cold Care tea (traditional medicinals) to help with the symptoms, and it really makes a difference. I just prepare the tea, and leave it in a container, and drink it all day long, or sip...even cold.
Keep cell phone charged. If you can't call for help, your out of luck.
Let important people in your family know about your "Sick Plan". Many people don't understand the unique circumstances that single mothers (and fathers) face when sick.
Some mothers have a special shelf that has cold meds, flu meds, favorite tissues, remedies, bottled water, tylenol and anything else they may need while sick. It's more than a medicine cabinet or box. It holds all the things you would need if you got sick. You wouldn't need to leave your house to get these things. Why not be prepared. Being a single mother has its ups and downs. We need to be more prepared when we are sick, since we don't have a partner living with us and taking over whenever we are sick.
Hoping all the single mothers reading this stay well this winter!
And Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!
Jyotsna
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