I have been thinking about opening my eyes to a partner, and one idea was to sign up with some wedding websites. Have any of you used wedding websites to find a partner, and did you have any sucess, scary stories, or tidbits of advice I should hear?
I am terribly lonely. It has been alone for over 4 years. More if you count the time I was still living with my ex when things were all wrong. I am not sure I can trust myself to find a good partner anymore. I am too old to mess around with this and mess up. I think about my kids growing up without a very good male role-model (no this isn't primary reason). Hey, can I say it here...I miss that closeness and intimacy that marriage naturally brings.
I have looked at a few websites, perused the profiles of some of the men. When I think about finding a partner, I think about someone my age or close. When I imagine why 40 plus year old men are available, it is only one of two things normally....they are divorced OR they are gay.
What would produce such a large number of 40 plus year old men that are divorced?
Obviously the gay men wouldn't be on the website looking for a female partner. So I would need to glean over hundreds of profiles of men, mostly divorced, small fraction being widowed, the rest never married. Why never married by 40? Hummmmmmmmm.
Okay, lets see what you have to say. Should I try to find a man in the grocery, the aisle at Walmart, or on a website that does matchmaking? Give me your stories! I am truely lost. I haven't looked for a man in more than 15 years (and back then I was so hot I didn't need to lOOk!).
Living Lonely,
Jyotsna
3 comments:
Other thoughts...(I am leaving comments on my own blog!! LOL).
1. Should I involve my kids in the search for my partner? Ravi has stated on many occassions how he wishes I would marry, and he would get a father figure.
2. Found a nice looking man on a marriage website, and he has a ten year old son. It would be the perfect addition to our family, (mother/father, two girls, two boys, four kids total).
Should I try to contact him?
3. Anyone ever try to blend two families? My son is very enthusiastic about this, especially if it means a brother. He doesn't want any more sisters!
4. Should I try other means of searching?
Thanks
((((HUGS)))) to you, Jyotsna. I have been there more than you know. I was alone and lonely for four years. No boyfriend or companion, no closeness or intimacy and as time marched on, it made me a bit vulnerable to men who had less than noble intentions. I didn't avail myself in the best way though. A single woman living in Bangkok doesn't increase her chances of finding love, but it did happen.
Now on to YOU.
1. No. How could children possibly find a nice man for you to date when you are already having a difficult time of it? If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't even introduce them to my new guy until a good number of months have passed by and there was some stability in the relationship. Children can get attached quickly and if something were to happen where you call it off with your new man, then it would upset your children. You've got to be very careful since it's not just about you any more.
2. Why not? :) Nothing to lose. Many men are shy about replying to ads and they're waiting for the lady to make a move. Did you post a profile on the website?
3. No, not me.
4. Always keep your eyes open to opportunity. I tried the online dating sites and found the resulting dates too contrived. There's nothing like meeting someone spontaneously and feeling the sparks of chemistry. That's just me though, and many people have had success.
Have you tried dating sites that are less mainstream? Is the marriage site you go to geared toward the South Asian population? You probably know that non American men will find it extremely intimidating to initiate contact with a white female. So often you have to make the first move. I got lucky in that my Thai guy was very bold although he said he was quaking in his shoes when he first got the guts to contact me. :)
Let us know how this journey goes for you. I'm rooting for you and I know it's hard.
love,
Amy
Jyotsna,
a thought on the suitability of 40 year old men...
Presumably they are thinking the same thing of the 40 year old women they are hoping to find a partner among: Why are these women single?
To assume the worst of the men is to assume the worst of yourself and single women like you. I'm sure you all have good reason to be single.
And you all deserve new love and partnerships!
I would agree with Amy that you should hold off on letting the kids get attached. But of course, they'll know you are going on dates with your "mystery man" and you want them to be supportive. Later they should be given clear opportunities to talk with you about your new man once they meet him. In that way I'd think they are involved in the search.
Best of luck. Here's to hoping you magically bump into your partner. (Keep in mind that magic needs a little footwork and in this case a lot of socializing).
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